The Hospital Times

The Hospital Times

BREAKING NEWS ABOUT THE ONCOMING ARMY

Alice's continuing madness

By Maddison Hatcher

Our most recent reports have indicated Alice is in a frenzy of recruitment, the mice that frequent this humble establishment have been vanishing left and right, as has the paper usually found in the office printer. It is suspected that she is making hats for the mice and that they are quite tasteful. She is not taking the advice from some more seasoned hat making professionals like she should, but it is difficult to mess up when using paper and not soaking leather in mercury. Her actions are all obviously signs of the impending war, and it is doubtful that any of us are safe. After all once her caterpillars undergo metamorphosis she would be capable of aerial attacks and none of us will be safe.  Now this is all I will be able to write today, we are running out of paper to print on, and Alice is looking at my paper menacingly as if she is already planning what sort of horrid hat to make from it. This is a threat to journalism, as well as the hygiene in the kitchen, and I hope this war is soon over.